I took care of myself
and it wasn’t beautiful, or an act of grace.
I took care of myself, and looked at the long overdue slew
of text messages and missed calls in the face,
even though it hurt.
even though I knew my hurt was hurting you.
I took care of myself,
ugly cried through my therapy appointment;
kept it, didn’t cancel it,
made another for the following week.
I took care of myself,
and dug the hurt out from my bones,
piled it before me,
and began to make my amends.
I apologized to the friends
and the family
I had pushed aside,
determined to not let my storm become theirs.
I apologized to myself for thinking I had to weather the rain alone.
I took care of myself,
and it wasn’t bubble baths,
and the row of my favorite Oreos each night.
It wasn’t beautiful;
it was uncomfortable,
and painful in more ways than one.
It wasn’t beautiful
but, I know that I am,
and that has made it all worth it.
